yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
