i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize