I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
