weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
