So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
