maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
