so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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