So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
