this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
