Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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