Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
