her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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