Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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