His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
