I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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