Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize