dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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