is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
