I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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