So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
