I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize