i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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