I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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