I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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