I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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