dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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