Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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