5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
