I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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