Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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