I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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