thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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