Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
