One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
