im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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