Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
