he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
