i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
