So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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