Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
