just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
