Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
