I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
