Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
