dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
