made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Found the puke drawer
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
