I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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