That's intense
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
