she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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