woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
