I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
