I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
