I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
