hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
