:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
