just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
