You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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