she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
