real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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