sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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