I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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