I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
