you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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