Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
