Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
