Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize