I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
