i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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