also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
