Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
