If that was your dad, he is hot
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
A+ Viking dick
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
