After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize