I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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