his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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