Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
