Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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